The more and more I live, travel, speak, and coach different individuals, couples, small business owners, etc., I realize a lot of people have not experienced real unselfish and unconditional love from the opposite sex. Therefore, while they want unconditional love from others, they give conditional love.
As much as we would like to think everyone knows how to reciprocate love, this is not true. And those who do know how to do so, many times there has been so much hurt on top of hurt from each time they trusted their heart with someone else, that their subconscious mind sends them into fight or flight mode. Meaning, they will either run from love or find a reason to be mean and ugly toward the other person who is trying to love them, unconditionally. This is usually recognizable by the person shooting down or minimizing kind things that are done for them or said to them. For example, you'll say something good to them and in turn, they'll say something in return to diminish the compliment that you gave. Sometimes, in real bad cases of hurt, shame, and bitterness, they will feel uncomfortable for you saying something good about them, especially if you're complimenting them in an area where they may have been criticized for many years. They are insecure in that area of their life and it will show.
It is natural to say good things to someone, especially if you love and care about them. This is the reason most children will hug and kiss you every single day of their life until and unless someone else tells them otherwise. It is the natural thing to do. However, when an individual starts to receive the opposite of good, clean, powerful, and positive words from others, while it may hurt a little in the beginning stages, unless someone comes along and reminds this person of who they truly are (a physical manifestation of LOVE) as soon as possible, they will believe the lies that they are anything other than wonderful and those words begin to hurt a whole lot.
If you hear every single day --- you are ugly, your nose is big, your momma/daddy ain't nothing and they don't love you, you're fat, you, you're poor, you're never going to be anything in life, you can't do math or read because your slow, or whatever else you hear about yourself from others --- you're going to start to believe the words and those words are going to subconsciously become the norm for your life. Sadly, no matter where you go or where you end up in life, until you overcome this, the words from those individuals is going to shape your self image, self-esteem, and self-worth. Well, it is the same way with love and relationships.
So, you will attract whatever you're used to because it is the norm. Until real inner development begins to takes place, you're going to continue to attract the kind of situations that will reflect your low self-esteem, insecurities, and over self worth. Not so much that it's what you want, but because it's the level you are used to or what the individuals around you are used to (friends, family, etc.). And both of these are usually predicated on your self-image, surroundings, and your ability to GIVE and RECEIVE love.
A man/woman who desires a healthy relationship MUST understand that HEALTHY relationships are predicated on a healthy self-image, healthy and regular communication, respect, forgiveness, and the ability to love unconditionally. You will have a very hard time ever having a healthy relationship without either of these at the foundation of the relationship. No matter how good the sex is or how much money either of you have, without these things at the core of the daily interaction, you'll end up hurting yourself and/or the other person even more from the relationship as opposed to helping.
Until you're healed, you bleed on everyone you try and love! If you have HEALED from the hurt (or you're pretty close) and pain from your past, you will know it because the desire to give and receive unconditional love will be present. Plus, the inclination to be vulnerable will be present, and it will cause you to feel some type of way because you won't be able to explain it.
Water seeks it's own level; Love does as well. Therefore, if you want a better man, become a better woman. If you want a better woman become a better man. If you're currently in a relationship, and want it to be better, try your best to bring your best self to the relationship, daily. And when you do this, it will become a habit and therefore force the relationship to improve! You can't give a half-hearted effort and expect for anything to actually work, especially not a relationship. After knowledge of your issues, don't use them as an excuse to not LOVE at the highest level. Doing so means you're now allowing your past to control your present, and as long as you do that you'll never experience the love you truly desire. While love is not contingent on reciprocity, when two people are "IN LOVE" it is rooted in reciprocity, a universal law. It feels natural and easy!
In conclusion, Remember.... "People can't give what they don't have! So don't get upset when you love and care for someone who has no love to reciprocate. By the time you meet most good hearted people nowadays, they've had the love misused and abused out of them for so long that your genuine love and concern will seem like manipulation, and ultimately... too much like right." #ArmaniValentino
Until next time...
--- Check out my latest blog at www.armanivalentino.com/blog
#noego #nocomfortzone #iallowmygood #iembracetheunknown