"People want connection without communication." Armani Valentino That's not how it works! There's an epidemic when it comes to relationships of all kinds. This is due to the lack of true communication taking place, first. When you're trying to connect your device to WiFi, your modem starts to search and obtain the address/location to COMMUNICATE with the device. If it's A WEAK signal or the device is too far away, the ERROR message will read something along the lines of "DEVICE CAN'T BE FOUND or DEVICE NOT REACHABLE!" Meaning the line of communication is not open. When this happens, some ADJUSTMENTS have to be made on one or both ends in order for there to be a CONNECTION! The devices can only communicate with one another if they're both in an OPEN position to SEND and RECEIVE a message. The lines of COMMUNICATION must be open in order for them to CONNECT and to stay CONNECTED!
Relationship Advice of the Day: One of the quickest ways to start looking old, gain unhealthy amounts of weight, and develop high blood pressure and other issues...
STAY IN AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP, of any kind!
Relationships bring you into close proximity with people. Energy is contagious, and therefore, negative mindsets, thought processes, and habits are as well. There is nothing worse than being IN a relationship but still being alone and feeling unloved by the individual(s) with whom you're involved. This causes depression, self-esteem issues, and often feelings of not being good enough.
These thoughts have to be expressed outwardly, and often show up in the form of worry, sadness, and broken-heartedness. All of which show up in multiple forms of DIS-ease. Your overall health is most important. So, make the needed adjustments that create a healthy relationship, and be committed to learning the tools needed to be the best version of yourself in a relationship(s).
Depression, and lack of love primarily expressed through the lack physical touch and words of affirmation, are closely related. So, when you're in a relationship where you are not included and not affirmed, unless that relationship grows, the both of you will continue to slowly kill one another's goals, dreams, and desires. And what is life without faith, love, & hope that your goals, dreams, and desires are not only possible but probable?
Until next time...
#healthiswealth #relationshipadviceoftheday #dontletnobodykillyourdreams
Life Advice of the Day: CHANGE YOUR STORY...CHANGE YOUR LIFE! Too often we have identified ourselves based on what others have said about us, our past, and things that do not define the essence of our being.
I challenge you to NOT "keep it real" (being negative) for 30 days and DON'T tell your struggle story for 90 Days. Literally write a new story for your life and your life will change to reflect the new story! One thing I've learned about life that's extremely accurate is, I AM THE WRITER of MY LIFE STORY.
I have to change the script or I'll continue to speak the words that will produce the same outcome that I do not desire. I also have to change the script of those who are in my LIFE. All roles in a play or movie are scripted by a writer and then directed by a director. In your LIFE, that's done by YOU. Remind yourself, I AM the writer, director, and star of MY LIFE! So, if you don't like the way your life is going, REWRITE THE SCRIPT and STAY IN CHARACTER!
Until next time... #ChangeYourStory #ChangeYourLife
Advice of the DAY: BE POSITIVE and COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS! Often, when things are not going the way we would like, it can be easy to get discouraged, become negative, and feel like a failure. While this may be the normal thing to do, it actually negatively effects the progress we desire.
One thing I often hear from people is complaints about their JOB, SPOUSE, CAR/HOUSE PAYMENT, etc.! If it's a friend, I remind them, "REMEMBER WHEN YOU DIDN'T HAVE A JOB? Or when you were wanting a spouse? Or when you were walking/on the bus?" It's important to remember to APPRECIATE where you aren't in your life and to TRUST GOD'S PLAN.
At the end of last year when things got a little heavy on me financially, because things didn't pan out the way I thought they would, due to my indecision and not enforcing the rental agreements, I started complaining and wanted to give up and sell everything I'd worked for in 2017. A few friends of mine talked to me and came by the house to encourage me. However, because I was in such a negative state of mind and COMPLAINING about what I had asked for not working out the way I thought it should, I couldn't see any other solution.
I was now in a state of WOE IS ME! It was not until I had a conversation with someone who told me very specifically, "So because one thing didn't work out, you're just going to sell everything? All of it? You put a lot of work into those houses, Armani! Building wealth is important to you. You sure you want to just sell them all?" Sometimes, when you're in a negative space, YOU HAVE TO BE REMINDED of your original FOCUS and GOALS.
What were my original goals? (1.) Transform my community/block and make it safe place to live (2.)Put good tenants in the houses who wanted to help create a sense of community (3.) Create long-term passive residual income through a solid investment vehicle in the event something were to happen. (4.) Create some income/jobs/skills for others in the community who may not otherwise be employable. (5.) Be an example of good to others who may want to do the same.
Why must YOU and I be reminded of our GOALS/DREAMS??? Because there was a time when what you have NOW was just an idea, desire, wish, or a dream. And because times will get tough and you will feel as if you aren't going to accomplish it. It's called doubt and it's a trick of that part of your MIND that doesn't like you.
So, instead of complaining and submitting to the negative thoughts, BE THANKFUL and know that you're blessed beyond measure, so count your blessings. WRITE THEM DOWN SO YOU CAN SEE THEM! Whatever you're going through it'll help you GROW through and get through it easier and quicker thank complaining will ever do. Until next time... #staypositive #keepthefaith #claimtheincrease #seeyouatthetop #dontletnobodykillyourdreams
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Ladies, have you ever said to yourself, I Know My Worth? Most women do this at some point in life. However, do you know the difference between worth and value?
If you have ever found yourself saying "I KNOW MY WORTH," understand the following please:
WORTH and VALUE are two different things. Worth is determined by YOU. VALUE is determined by the marketplace or what the market can afford.
In a buyer's market, the buyer has more leverage on determining the actual value versus the perceived value. In a seller's market the seller has more leverage in determining value. As a single black man in America, I have to say it, IT'S still a buyer's market.
Many women have WORTH mixed up with VALUE. I understand what you feel about your worth my sister, but let's take a closer look at why your VALUATION in the marketplace is not coming up near your personal listing price that you say you're WORTH. I'll use real estate to further paint my picture.
1.) Number of owners/renters/partners (1 or 2 owner home or has it been a rental with multiple short-term leases). I think this is self-explanatory!
2.) Appearance - Have there been any updates? Well maintained? Does it look livable and appealing? Also, is the outer appearance congruent with the inner workings of the home (heart & mind). Is the home in good structural health? Foundation? Electric? Plumbing?
3.) How long has the home (You) been available on the market? The question gets asked because someone is thinking, 'why is this lovely woman/home still on the market?'
4.) Number of utilities & expenses? As a landlord, one of the main questions I get is, "What are all the bills I have to pay; lights, water, gas, trash, sewer, lawn service, etc.?" It's the same way when it comes to a man who is looking for a mate. What all am I going to have to pay for and deal with in order to maintain this relationship? Is it in my budget? Number of Children, car notes, phone bills, etc.
5.) Location or community. This equates to the other nuances that come along with a community or individual. When entering into a relationship both parties bring with them, their past experiences, problems, mental and physical insecurities, health, family, friends, habits, etc. Many times, until you actually move in the neighborhood and stay for a little while, you don't know the real potential issues, of all kinds, that you may have to deal with. Location and community are both determining factors in the valuation of the property; whether it's for sale or rent. It's the same when it comes to relationships.
6.) What do you offer that's not readily available elsewhere? There are many intangibles within certain homes that must be communicated in order for the ready and available buyers/(men) in the marketplace to put in real offers, and are in a position to move forward. Otherwise, the home will stay on the market. Not only will a potential buyer not see your true value, but he won't even be able to know your worth!
To sum it all up, know that while YOU may know your WORTH, until some changes and adjustments are made, if you're wanting a certain kind of renter or buyer, you're going to have to increase your VALUE in the marketplace, and be able to somehow communicate why YOU! And in order to do this you may have to have a few showings and open houses, then accept some applications. 😊😘
Until next time! Figure out your value in the marketplace, instead of shouting "I KNOW MY WORTH!" Because even if you do, as a man, I don't. And therefore, can only offer what I have or what comparable homes in the marketplace are on the marketplace for at the same time.
#claimtheincrease #seeyouatthetop #dontletnobodykillyourdreams #staypositive #keepthefaith
PS - One of my most important books, This Is Why I Won't Marry You deals in detail, the top reasons why men and women choose NOT to marry certain individuals. It's some of my best work and took 5.5 years to compile. You can purchase it here!
Ladies, some of ya'll have never had a man to love & respect YOU, be both loyal & committed to YOU, and open & honest to YOU that when a man does these things you get scared and uncomfortable because it's too much like right, and find a reason to sabotage the possiblities. It's uncomfortable because you've become comfortable with drama, talking to your girlfriends about your relationship problems, and getting less than you're giving.
So, you often accept "what is" and "what you're used to" versus your truest desires -- love, joy, peace & happiness -- just to say, "At least I am not by myself!" All while being alone and lonely in a marriage/relationship. PHYSICALLY PRESENT, but MENTALLY ABSENT trying to piece together the leftover threads of a cloth that has worn out and unraveled. You begin to reflect the unspoken emotions of another failed relationship that you refuse to let go of because you think another failed relationship makes you a failure. So, you go back over & over again, and continue to do all the right things for the wrong man. Instead of running to the arms of LOVE, you remain in the comfort of dysfunction, only to end up more hurt, bitter, and privately filled with shame.
Imagine being in a relationship where the man emits and exudes LOVE, and there's no question of whether or not he LOVES you... RESPECTS you... HONORS you... YEARNS for you... LIKES you... APPRECIATES you... and YOU are FREE to be VULNERABLE enough to do the same...
There's nothing weak about LOVE! Love is the strongest energy that there is in the Universe, and anyone, but especially a man who knows how to LOVE is a reflection of GOD! God is LOVE and therefore, being loved is a manifestation of God in the presence. NEVER RUN FROM LOVE! Run to it with open arms.
Just a few thoughts I normally keep to myself... ;-)
#noego #nocomfortzone #love #joy #peace #happiness
www.armanivalentino.com --- #like #share #repost somebody you know needs it
Relationship Advice of the Day: People can't give you what they don't have. So, don't take it personal when you love someone and they don't reciprocate.
The more and more I live, travel, speak, and coach different individuals, couples, small business owners, etc., I realize a lot of people have not experienced real unselfish and unconditional love from the opposite sex. Therefore, while they want unconditional love from others, they give conditional love.
As much as we would like to think everyone knows how to reciprocate love, this is not true. And those who do know how to do so, many times there has been so much hurt on top of hurt from each time they trusted their heart with someone else, that their subconscious mind sends them into fight or flight mode. Meaning, they will either run from love or find a reason to be mean and ugly toward the other person who is trying to love them, unconditionally. This is usually recognizable by the person shooting down or minimizing kind things that are done for them or said to them. For example, you'll say something good to them and in turn, they'll say something in return to diminish the compliment that you gave. Sometimes, in real bad cases of hurt, shame, and bitterness, they will feel uncomfortable for you saying something good about them, especially if you're complimenting them in an area where they may have been criticized for many years. They are insecure in that area of their life and it will show.
It is natural to say good things to someone, especially if you love and care about them. This is the reason most children will hug and kiss you every single day of their life until and unless someone else tells them otherwise. It is the natural thing to do. However, when an individual starts to receive the opposite of good, clean, powerful, and positive words from others, while it may hurt a little in the beginning stages, unless someone comes along and reminds this person of who they truly are (a physical manifestation of LOVE) as soon as possible, they will believe the lies that they are anything other than wonderful and those words begin to hurt a whole lot.
If you hear every single day --- you are ugly, your nose is big, your momma/daddy ain't nothing and they don't love you, you're fat, you, you're poor, you're never going to be anything in life, you can't do math or read because your slow, or whatever else you hear about yourself from others --- you're going to start to believe the words and those words are going to subconsciously become the norm for your life. Sadly, no matter where you go or where you end up in life, until you overcome this, the words from those individuals is going to shape your self image, self-esteem, and self-worth. Well, it is the same way with love and relationships.
So, you will attract whatever you're used to because it is the norm. Until real inner development begins to takes place, you're going to continue to attract the kind of situations that will reflect your low self-esteem, insecurities, and over self worth. Not so much that it's what you want, but because it's the level you are used to or what the individuals around you are used to (friends, family, etc.). And both of these are usually predicated on your self-image, surroundings, and your ability to GIVE and RECEIVE love.
A man/woman who desires a healthy relationship MUST understand that HEALTHY relationships are predicated on a healthy self-image, healthy and regular communication, respect, forgiveness, and the ability to love unconditionally. You will have a very hard time ever having a healthy relationship without either of these at the foundation of the relationship. No matter how good the sex is or how much money either of you have, without these things at the core of the daily interaction, you'll end up hurting yourself and/or the other person even more from the relationship as opposed to helping.
Until you're healed, you bleed on everyone you try and love! If you have HEALED from the hurt (or you're pretty close) and pain from your past, you will know it because the desire to give and receive unconditional love will be present. Plus, the inclination to be vulnerable will be present, and it will cause you to feel some type of way because you won't be able to explain it.
Water seeks it's own level; Love does as well. Therefore, if you want a better man, become a better woman. If you want a better woman become a better man. If you're currently in a relationship, and want it to be better, try your best to bring your best self to the relationship, daily. And when you do this, it will become a habit and therefore force the relationship to improve! You can't give a half-hearted effort and expect for anything to actually work, especially not a relationship. After knowledge of your issues, don't use them as an excuse to not LOVE at the highest level. Doing so means you're now allowing your past to control your present, and as long as you do that you'll never experience the love you truly desire. While love is not contingent on reciprocity, when two people are "IN LOVE" it is rooted in reciprocity, a universal law. It feels natural and easy!
In conclusion, Remember.... "People can't give what they don't have! So don't get upset when you love and care for someone who has no love to reciprocate. By the time you meet most good hearted people nowadays, they've had the love misused and abused out of them for so long that your genuine love and concern will seem like manipulation, and ultimately... too much like right." #ArmaniValentino
Until next time...
--- Check out my latest blog at www.armanivalentino.com/blog
#noego #nocomfortzone #iallowmygood #iembracetheunknown
#1 Amazon.com Bestseller, Amazon.com International Besteller - The Love Triangle: How to Heal from a Broken Heart (Hurt, Shame, Bitterness, & Betrayal)
It is my intent to help you heal from a "broken heart." A broken heart can be devastating. It can cause one to lose the desire to live. It can also cause lack of ambition, loss of or increase in appetite, and numerous other destructive behaviors. Hopefully, the words that are on the pages in this book will be just the guide that you are looking for to help you heal from your broken heart. This book was actually supposed to be out before now, but I was distracted once I started writing and producing my first play. However, for my own life, the completing of this book was right on time. Why do I say that? While much of the book was written on experiences from the distant past, after going back to complete the book, my more recent broken heart was actually healed from this process once again. So, does it work? I would have to say, Yes! No matter how dark things may seem in your life, things will turn for the better if you change the focus. Learn from all and appreciate all that you have experienced in your life.
Life Advice of the Day
DON'T MISS ANOTHER SEASON! Contrary to popular belief, you can miss a blessing. You often hear people preach and teach that what God has for you is for you. While this may be true, whether or not we are in a position to accept and receive our blessing will usually determine IF we get what God has for us.
Believe it or not, someone else can get your blessing! When there is a space that needs to be filled, it must be filled. This is the reason Bishop Jakes would always say the words, "Get Ready! Get Ready! Get Ready!" Why? You must prepare yourself to receive what you've been asking God to give you. However, even when we may be ready, sometimes we can miss our season or our blessing because we chose not to receive it when it showed up or we got impatient and chose something else that wasn't ours. Don't get caught doing things out of season.
In Miracle Hendrix's book #TakeALoss2Win, he mentioned how he took matters into his own hands and didn't wait on God and made a decision that would alter his life. Had he waited only 3 more days, he wouldn't have lost valuable time that he can never get back. The same with all of us who have lived life long enough to know that if we had the opportunity to know what we know now 10 years ago, there are some things we would have done differently. God has all kinds of blessings waiting on us, but he will not violate our FREE WILL.
He gives us that gift for us to use how we see fit. The freedom to choose. While he may try to guide us, during certain seasons of our lives we have ignored the loud and clear signs that were given on which route to take.
While all things work together for the good, the choices we make determine the life we live. If the past decisions you have made have not turned out well, it's time to start making better decisions. Otherwise, you'll miss another season. And if you're anything like me, you can't afford to miss any more seasons!
One sure way to make sure this doesn't happen is to learn to make better decisions. The better you get at making better decisions, the better decisions you make. Take advantage of the season that you're in. Some people are not going to like the fact that you are trying to make better decisions, but in order for life to get better and for you not to miss anymore seasons, you have to get better.
Until next time, I love you all, but The MOST HIGH GOD loves yo more! Armani Valentino --- www.armanivalentino.com
#staypositive #keepthefaith #noego #nocomfortzone
REspect the role of the male & father
Life Advice of the Day: Those of you who have been called to teach woman/girls, through your example, be sure to teach them how to properly appreciate & respect the role the male & father. For many this will take a change internally, first, because they themselves must learn to respect & appreciate the males in their own life. And, be careful not to teach women through your emotional bitterness, hurt, shame, and feelings of betrayal. Only to turn around and put it all on God/Jesus, claiming he is the reason for this struggle and that struggle. That is not true and it's not healthy and further perpetuates the real deeper issues.
Please teach the role of PERSONAL responsibility in decision-making, because in your time of hurt and healing it is EASY to BLEED on other people while teaching them. So, if you have a platform, make sure you're using it as a place of health and healing by healing thyself, first. The reason many of the conferences, books, seminars, sermons are ineffective is because healing hasn't fully taken place in the HEART of the deliverer of the message. Furthermore, this is why an individual can hear sermon after sermon, workshop after workshop, and still have no lasting change. And people then want to start sharing what I call "struggle stories."
More often than not, these stories only perpetuate unwanted cycles. In conclusion, you're dealing with many lives through EVERY person you teach, have influence, or lead. Please prepare yourself, because leading and teaching people requires more than most people can handle.
Until next time... Armani Valentino - www.armanivalentino.com
Relationship Advice of the Day: Sometimes people just want to HEAR you say, "I AGREE..."
Don't let your ego, the habit or desire to be combative, and wanting to be 'right' ruin the comradary and morale of the relationship. The words, "Oh OK, I understand. I can see where you're coming from... If I was in your position, I might feel the same way..." go a long ways in securing and keeping open lines of communication. But, when one or both of you become insensitive to each other, there's no room for open and honest communication to win.
If open and honest communication are not a part of the relationship, you WILL NOT have a healthy, happy, and prosperous union. And without these things being present in a relationship, PEACE will be VERY hard to find.
Understand that in order for a relationship to produce it's purpose, AGREEMENT must be at the core. The enemy of PEACE thrives on breaking the state of PEACE by breaking the agreement. Because he understands THE POWER OF AGREEMENT, according to Matthew 18:19.
Often, when people see a POWER COUPLE, they want what the couple has, but don't understand that in all of the TRUE POWER COUPLES, there's one thing in common --- no matter race, religion, occupation, socio-economic background, or city/country of origin --- AGREEMENT! They have the ability to stay in agreement and in an AGREEABLE state of MIND with one another. Period. Without AGREEMENT, there is no RELATE-ionship because you and the other refuse to show that you can RELATE.
Staying in AGREEMENT and in an AGREEABLE state of MIND is the TRUE WORK in ALL relationships.
Until next time... Meditate on Matthew 18:19 in all your personal and business relationships. It will serve you well.
If you'd like dating and relationship coaching, call 972-781-8404
Best-selling author Armani Valentino.